My Life Wasn’t Supposed to Go Like This!
The experience of pregnancy and motherhood is something many women have dreamt about since childhood. It is idealized in our society and is something most women expect will come naturally and easily into their lives if and when they decide the time is right. When this turns out not to be the case, it can be devastating. Often the idea of becoming a mother is deeply connected to a woman’s concept of successfulness. As a result, infertility, miscarriage or other types or reproductive trauma can leave a woman questioning her self-worth, doubting her value as a partner and feeling like a failure. After a woman and her partner have been trying on their own for a while, or if their infertility treatments have been unsuccessful, the “Will it happen this month?” rollercoaster often leads to high levels of stress and panic. If it’s been endless months or years of dashed hopes and stolen dreams, the internalization of questions like “How come I’m not good enough to have a baby?” and “Why did my life end up like this?” can turn stress into utter despair.
What You May Also Be Feeling
Guilt, anger, resentment, anxiety, depression and feelings of isolation can seep into the partner relationship on both sides.
Friendships with people you usually seek out in times of need can become strained especially if those friends have children, are pregnant or have never tried to become pregnant. Attending baby showers and talking over coffee with people who do not understand your grief becomes a chore. Figuring out what to say to parents and other family members about your experience creates additional angst. For many, it begins to feel like everywhere you look women are pregnant or have newborns and the whole world is excited for them. You just feel left out and alone.
Help Begins Here
You do not have to suffer through this is silence. If you are even thinking of reaching out and getting help that’s a good indication that you still have at least an ounce of strength left. Therapy can help you expand that beam of light even if it feels faint right now. It can give you a toolbox, so you can begin to make sense of your life and feel hope for your future. I begin with individual sessions. After that, if there is a group starting and you’d like to join, that ‘s an option too. I’m here to help in whichever ways work best for you.